August 9, 2021

Suicidal Thoughts - 10

Wish I could cut the breaks
of my wagon ‘fore I ride.
Would someone push me off
And claim that suicide?

Wish someone would slip ‘bout
10 sleeping pills in my drink
Why no one wants to gut me
Use my blood for their ink?

Carve my skull in a spittoon
Tie muscles as toy for pet,
Make a soup right out of my eyes
Make art on skin with cigarette,

Wish death was near, I could call it quits.
Hug my demons with open arms.
Hope I see the face of Death.
Hope she lures me with her charms.

Is this true? Is Death final stop?
Or does another start after the spark?
Hope death gets accolade from my kill
For stars shine when sky is dark...

Sometimes, all you need is to feel the rush of blood, to make yourself feel alive. Other times, you want yourself to be taken away and disappear like smoke in the air, rather than dealing with the worst enemy one could ever have: Self-hate.

What happens inside the mind of a person who is on edge, who wants to call it quits, is a series of ideas and ways out of their misery called life. The slow fading reality existing around them is what sometimes is needed, craved. The tattooed marks of tears on their face become the pathway to the altar of Quitting for them. It makes them realize that maybe this life, this existence is just a bane for them and it would be rather relieving for them, and others around them, for them to be just taken away by the forces of the dark, the demons of hell.

Although this piece above calls to surface the demons within, there is always a way out from everything. One should not just succumb to the darkness and call it quits, one must fight tooth and nail, give it all.

In the end, if nothing else works, I ask you, my reader, how is it not right to take the reins of your life, your self, and your body in your own hands, mold your own future and look directly in the eyes of the raging demons and tell them they can not rule over you, for you better give up your own soul before they could take it to the underground?

As someone who has been directly affected by these thoughts now and then, and has seen someone close taking the matter into their own hands, calling the shots rather than the shots being called for you, I now don't see having suicidal thoughts as a wrong thing, a sin. It's just what you do with it, makes all the difference.

And sometimes when you make the decision and start walking towards the light, it's not always that you have lost your battle. Sometimes, it means you stopped the demons to get to your soul.

One comment on “Suicidal Thoughts - 10”

  1. Self-hate. this is so much visible in ur this piece, highly imaginative and really rude on self to hate like this...but at last there is hope to walk towards light....full of self hate turning to inspiration to live...Is this true? Is Death final stop?
    Or does another start after the spark?
    Hope death gets accolade from my kill
    For stars shine when sky is dark...

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